Well here I am again. I’m exactly in the same place I was last year. Almost. The weight I’d lost is back. The workout routine is non-existant. I’m unhappy with my appearance and avoiding any and all cameras. My clothes are loose not because of weight loss but because I’m trying to hide all of the areas that make me uncomfortable. For all intents and purposes I have failed. Hard. To add insult to injury I now have bone shard in my ankle that could lock everything in place and lead to surgery. For now, this is being managed with steroids being injected directly into the muscle around my ankle. I’m still at the same job and honestly I feel like my life hasn’t progressed much in the last year. I’ve been grumbling around depressed about my failures and withdrawing into myself. Sigh. Now back to square one. How does one motivate themselves when one feels no motivation?
My husband is becoming a greater source of strength for me. I cannot stress enough how helpful this is. Looking down at my phone and seeing things like the following quote inspire me. My husband sent it to me today when, unbeknownst to him, I was at my lowest. This quote needs to be attributed to Matthew Mercer. He runs a You Tube channel where runs D&D games as well as helpful tips and tutorials. This quote came from his twitter:
Hey. You. Shit’s hard, and life can weigh a lot. Those inner voices can be a bitch, and the world looms with gloomy skies. Just know that you aren’t alone, and I’m glad you are here. Let’s endure these tougher moments together, and push each other to pull through stronger.
This text from my husband improved my mood significantly. He’s pushing me to do better, to be better, and letting me know that I am not alone. He has taken to sending me messages throughout the day, reminding me that he believes in me and that we are in all of this together. We are working on eating better. We have a bed time that we try to stick to now, so we each get enough restful sleep to energize us for the next day. He has dealt with anxiety and depression for a good portion of his life. Lately he has been filling his own social media with positivity instead of negativity and is encouraging me to do the same. This world CAN be so heavy. Most of my social media is filled with people complaining about this thing or that thing. I need more uplifting things in my life. Tonight he and I will be sitting down and I will be following some of the same groups and people he follows. I crave support and happiness. I’m hoping this helps do the job. We are making sure we do productive things each day in an efficient way so we give ourselves as much time as possible to work on our hobbies, and to spend time doing things as a family.
I’m tired of being stagnant and for the first time ever, I feel as though I have a truly supportive partner. I write here as though we always get along and there are never problems. That is not the case. There are days when we drive each other crazy. There are arguments that leave us both drained and exhausted afterwards. We are a normal couple. We are just striving each day to be the best version of ourselves and the best partner we can be for our partner. It’s not always easy but it IS something that has improved this year.
My husband has given me a challenge. Two posts a week. One hour of writing per day. At least one post needs to be about my weight loss and struggles or successes (He is not pushing me to lose weight. He loves me the way I am. He knows that I am unhappy and is trying to support me). The second post can be more creative or really about whatever I want. Challenge accepted. Who is your support? If you don’t have any, how do you motivate yourself?