What does responsibility look like? One of the biggest problems that I have is taking care of everyone else first. I come last in every situation. The last piece of my favorite food could be sitting right in front of me. If you are someone I care about and you want it, it is yours. I want to watch a movie, oh you want to do this other activity instead? Cool, let’s do your thing. I get accused of trying to be a martyr. For me it doesn’t feel that way. For me, it feels like I am doing something for you because I care about you. I want to show you that. I want you to have everything you could possibly want, because seeing you happy makes me happy. That being said, one of the biggest thing my therapist has been pushing me towards is doing more for myself. Out of all of the things my therapist has asked me to do, that is seemingly the hardest. Every week she asks me what I did the past week that was just for me and I have the hardest time coming up with anything. Not only am I hurting myself with this behavior but I am actually hurting others. A byproduct of never putting myself first, or ever really caring about myself at all has caused me to be an enabler. More on that later but it has also put me into my current situation. I cannot tell you the last time I went to a dentist. I mean I can but it has been a very long time and the last time I went the prices they were throwing at me seemed astronomical. I pushed it all off, I let it slide. It was so much easier to put myself last so that by the time I got around to taking care of myself I was too tired or I’d had a long day or blah blah blah. So now, here I sit in excruciating pain. I have an abscess and a pretty serious infection in my gum. It started on Sunday with a dull pain. I awoke suddenly in the middle of the night on Sunday in mind numbing pain, my face so swollen and stretched that I could barely look at myself let alone touch my face. Monday morning, I started calling every dentist I could begging to be let in. There was no availability. Instead I went to urgent care, where they numbed my mouth and sliced my abscess open to let it drain. Trust me it was as disgusting as it sounds. This morning I managed to get into the nicest dentist ever who promptly put me on very strong antibiotics and now next Tuesday I have to have dental surgery. Had I taken the time to take care of me as a person then I may not be in this situation. This kind of situation can be incredibly serious. Had I let this continue, the infection could have gotten worse, I could have become septic. I could have ended up in the hospital (which is still a possibility if these meds don’t work) or I could have died. Then where would all of these people be that I care so much about? Where would my kids be? I was just telling my oldest son that he needed to tell me whenever there was anything off about his body. This conversation was prompted by an article I read about a boy dying because of a lump he had found that he was too embarrassed to tell his family about. The article horrified me and I wanted to make sure my son knew to take care of himself in that way. Except….except I haven’t done that for myself. I smoked for years, I let my weight bounce around for years, I haven’t gone in for regular checkups because it just didn’t matter that much to me. I will be fine right? Wrong. If something happens to me, I don’t even want to think about what that would do to my family. This whole year has been about taking better care of myself and my life in general. Balance is a thing that I struggle with constantly. Taking care of me is one of the most important things I could possibly do for my family and I cannot be the only person out there who tends to put themselves last. That spot in your knee that feels weird? Go get it checked. That odd lump? Tell someone. It’s not even something you have to be reactive about. Be diligently proactive about your health. Especially when others are depending on you being healthy, alive, and at your best. The thing that would make those around you the most happy is the best version of you. You are worth it. Ok, I’ll step off my soap box now and sashay away to why this blog originally started.
We are still working out around here. We’ve missed a few days this week with my current health situation (One absolutely cannot do jumping jacks when their face is so swollen it looks like they are sucking on a grape fruit). Here is the full and complete schedule at this juncture:
Monday: 15 Jumping Jacks 6 sets each
15 Squats- 6 sets each
15 Push Ups- 6 sets each
Tuesday: 10 Situps 5 sets each
10 Reverse Crunches 5 sets each
10 Sitting Twists 5 sets each
30 sec Plank
30 sec Side Elbow Plank
Wednesday: 15 Lunges (each leg) 6 sets each
15 Side Lunges (each leg) 6 sets each
15 Donkey Kicks (each leg) 6 sets each
15 Glute Bridges (each leg) 6 sets each
Thursday: 20 Cross body punches (each arm) 5 sets each
15 Wide Arm Push ups 5 sets each
15 Tricep Dips 5 sets each
15 Close Grip pushups
Friday: Repeat Monday and more intensive stretching
We have also begun to throw in a lightning round each day where we do one set of each as quickly as possible. I am seeing the changes in my body. My clothes are fitting better. I haven’t lost a staggering amount of pounds but in inches I have come miles from where I was. I’m going to keep going no matter what life throws at me. I owe it to myself and my family to be the healthiest and best version of me.