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No cheating until Thanksgiving. That is my goal. There is a reason people call it a weight loss journey. This year has been tough. Dear lord has it ever been tough. I’ve managed to accomplish some things I’m pretty proud of, such as quitting smoking (6 months!)and becoming more diligent about my way of eating. I’m fitting into clothes I have not fit into in forever. I’ve maintained this blog (mostly) and started on a book. I’m looking into grant writing and a few other different avenues so I can support myself financially without a typical 40 hour work week. I have goals for the first real time in my life and it feels amazing. I feel like for the longest time I just allowed life to happen to me. I’ve allowed others to use me, and to make me feel small. Does everyone go through this at this age? Is this the age of reflection? It feels like I’m starting over, but not in a bad way. I can take the past, see what it had done, how it has shaped me, the mistakes I’ve made, the things I got right, and I can mold them into the rest of my future. I never ever knew what I wanted to do when I was younger. I told myself and everyone else that I wanted to teach music. Hell it was what I went to school to do but I’m not sure that was ever really the case. I feel like so much time was spent trying to figure out what I wanted to do and not who I wanted to be. Who I want to be is where I am at the moment. I want to have a job that I love. I want something I am passionate about and not just a paycheck. I want flexible hours so I can spend more time with my family and doing the things I want to do. This is the only life I get (in theory) and I hate that I have spent so much of my time pouring myself into my job. I want more time with my children. My oldest is 14 and I know that in just a few short years he will be out of this house and starting his own adult life. It happened so fast and I am not ready. I’m not ready at all. I want more time to be creative, to read, to sing and to not be so stressed out about a job. I want more and the only person who can do that is me.

So back to the no cheating until Thanksgiving. I have been so overly good with my food lately. Today I stared a bowl of chips and dip in the face and was unmoved from my resolve. It felt good that I didn’t excuse myself and tell myself that it was ok to just eat some today and start over again tomorrow. That is what got me in trouble in the first place. I had the salad instead of the enchiladas and I was proud of myself. I walked two miles today with a friend at work. I’ve done the push-ups and the squats and now I am ready for something more regimented. I’m going back to what worked before and doing the P90x3. Back to the 4am workouts because I desperately want to fit into the clothes I have. I desperately want to feel even better than I do today. I want to be healthy and strong. So starting tomorrow, my Instagram will get a whole lot more active. Those photos I didn’t want to post will be posted. Please do join me. I will be posting the Instagram on my site tomorrow for those interested in following.

In the meantime, tell me what are your goals, what is your passion? Are you doing what makes you happy? Are you fulfilled in your life? If so, how did you get there? Thank you for following this blog. Thank you for sticking it out with me through my procrastinations and laziness. Thank you kind reader for being there.

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