Break

I needed a break.

Quitting smoking is hard. Quitting food is hard. Notice I haven’t been posting anything regarding weight loss? That’s because I haven’t lost anymore. As a matter of fact, I have gained some back. My job is absolutely nuts right now. They cut some people and my workload has tripled. My husband quit smoking as well, so things around the house have been ridiculously stressful. My oldest son hurt his knee and we are awaiting the results from that. The basement is suddenly leaking, a groundhog is tearing up our back yard, we believe my dad will be diagnosed with something untreatable, and I kind of just want to curl up in a ball in my room and never leave it. Most of the things I’ve mentioned are seemingly not a big deal. I’m leaving things out of course but with Covid and the state of the world right now as well, I did not know what to do with my stress anymore.

I’ve started therapy.

I am already extremely happy that I did. Too often caregivers forget to take care of themselves. I give so much of myself to my family and to my job and I forget to take care of me. Who needs sleep anyway? Am I right? I can deal with everything all on my own right? So so very wrong. There have been days that I have longed to get away, rent a hotel room, tell no one where I am and just sleep. None of that is healthy behavior. The very first thing my therapist recommended to me was meditation. I dove headfirst into the book she recommended and am thus far pretty excited about it. I’m supposed to be taking care of all of myself. Not just my body. So far the meditation appears to be going well. The particular form I am using at this moment only requires 15 minutes of my day. So every morning I drag my bleary eyed self out of bed and set out to clear my mind, focus myself, and become centered. As soon as I am done with the book I will put it out there as a recommendation. I like to read and absorb all of something before I go recommending it to anyone.

Now then when it comes to the weight loss, here we go again. This week my husband and I agreed that the worst of quitting smoking appears to be over. The moodiness of the past few weeks is gone and I feel more like myself again. I feel more like the woman ready to take charge of her diet and weight and get myself under control again. I forgive myself for giving into food in lew of smoking. I’m so glad I gave it up.

For now, every day when I get home, before we do anything else, my family and I exercise together. We stretch, we do jumping jacks, squats, pushups and situps. The basics. My six year old is right there with us learning the proper way to do all of these exercises. He is learning things about himself that I hope he carries on for the rest of his life. I’ve got this. We’ve got this. We will do this together.